Sep 10, 2017

Behind the scenes of My Entire Summer

My summer seemed awesome to you right?

It was the most awesome and exciting summer of my life. I value everyday the same as these experiences, that I wanted to share with you. Behind the scenes, there was still me. The girl who is still afraid of people, who is very unsure of herself. The girl who is still on her path to womanhood. By my age I would be concidered as a woman by now, but inside my mind I'm still vunerable as a child. The world is still new to me. 

Most of my summer apart from everything I already told you, was very lonely. This summer was very emotionally hard for me. At times. I was the loneliest I've ever been.  I did not have many friends this summer. I had all kinds of plans, how I am going to get new friends and be social butterfly. My plan did not go as planned. I got even more anxious as usual in a new and not so new social encounters. I tried my absolute best, but things don't always work out as planned. 

I cried a lot. This was not an easy period in my life at all. Ive been running to see doctors and bouncing back and forth between my  two homes. The one with my parents and the one with my fiance. I actually was a complete mess from time to time and even I was confused of what in the world is going on. I think my family has not much idea how miserable, behind the scenes, I actually am. This is also not the time to talk about it. I have never been brave enough to confront my parents and tell them things straight. This summer was even my first time trying. 

Even things being like this, I won't give up yet. No one said that this journey is going to be easy. Sometimes there is progress, sometimes a set back. Things change, wether I like it or not. I just need to learn to change my life in a way these changes demand. My life is not all bad. I have a loving man, I have a home. I have some people I can trust. The reason why I decided to tell you the darkness behind all of this sunshine, is because the internet is already full of glorious stories of peoples lives without telling the actual truth behind them. I think that you my dear readers deserve the whole truth. The good and bad. Because life is both,  ups and downs.

Days ar getting shorter. Autumn start to arrive. Its the time when people go back to schools and workplaces. To me personally, this is the time of healing, possibly getting new hobbies, or going back to the old ones. I don't know how all is gonna turn out yet. Now we just work towards the best possible out come, and see.

Thanks for sharing my summer with me, now lets head over to the next chapter. I'll try to keep you updated. Love yall!

-Rebella Nana Darkstar

Written on iPad 

Sep 9, 2017

My Entire Summer|| pt.5|| Tallinn Estonia

This is the last part of My Entire Summer!

My sister got 2 tickets for " Day in Tallinn"- cruise by Eckeröline. It had been about 4 years since the last time I was in any cruise, so ofc I agreed to go with her. My sister knows all my problems with people and she can protect me fom anything. This was also my first time abroad. I had never been outside Finland. I had heard all kinds of crazy things from this city. But it was nothing like I've been told.

The morning:
This morning was way easier that I thought. Wake up was at 5:45 am since I needed to be at the docks about 07:30 am.  I woke up allright and was right on time there to meet my sister Suvi and My brother Jani. We had planned that I borrow my car to my brother so he could give my sister a ride there and he would pick us up when we were back from Tallinn. He spent the day in Helsinki.

We went to check up, and got on the cruise ship. First checking the store ofc, then we went up on the deck and got some coffee. I was really really exited and a bit worried. I couldn't use internet abroad and My budget was 100 euros. I was not sure if it was enough or not.

Finally we were there! Straight away I knew I was far from home. It was so different but also very much like Finland. Well, that could be expected since its not that far away from us. For your information, I can't understan a word from their language. So every sign did not help me in anyway. There was biketaxis, which I've never seen before.

First we wanted to see the Viru keskus. Its a gigantic shopping centre right next us. I had a blast, giggling to every "summer sale" sign I saw. Because in their language summer is Suvi. Which is my sisters name. I couldn't stop giggling. I must of looked so clearly like a tourist. We spent a long time trying to find a store in the shopping centre, which clearly wasnt there. I went to a NYX store and bought myself a lipstick. Wow, like I couldn't do that back at home. What can I say, I'm a makeup addict. I had to see if they have more things inside there than we do here. Yes, they did. But nothing I could afford. So I bought a lipstick I had been drooling for a long time. My sister had to go to the cashier, because I was way too shy. There was a boy with so much better makeup than me. It was like makeup goals right there.

When we got out of the makeup section, we got lost for a little while. Like I said the mall is gigantic and we came out of a door that was nowhere near the door we went in. Luckily we found out where we where.

By now, we wanted some food. Trusty old Hesburger was the perfect place to go. We have the same restaurants all over finland. I know what I like and Its way cheaper than here. Except. I had to order in english. I HAD TO ORDER! I can't even do that in finnish. I don't know why I didnt try finnish, but when the cashier started to speak to us in english, i just kept with it. My sister couldnt order cause she does not know english very well. We got what we ordered, pretty fast, there was not much people and the quality didn't differ that much. Fries were better than here but burger had something off about it, in my opinion. It still was good and I was happy to stuff my belly.

My stomach is very sensitive. So when we where walking out of there I got one of these.. you know "uh oh, i gotta hurry"-moments. It was agony trying to find a nearest toilet. Then we saw one. At the bus station. I regret going there. It was horrible. Smelly, small, not that hygienic with blue lighting. Ofc, the lock was not working either. Thanks to my sister for looking at the door.

After this I'm not sure where we tried to go. Somehow we ended up kind of far away from where we just were. I was getting tired from the walking and It was ridiculously hot (to me atleast) I was not feeling too good, and got a bit cranky cause of this. Then my sister finally decided to look at the map and we were back on our right way. My sister and I found out that one of our cousings was in Tallinn aswell. She had been there 2 days before us and she was gonna continue to travel to latvia.

We agreed to meet eachother at Super-Alko. We were anyway headed there to buy some cheap drinks to take home. Also some cigarettes cause we both have the habit. I don't recommend. My sister bought 3 cases of drinks. Also both of us bought some liquer bottles. I bought a sour apple and Aviva blue sky just because the drink is so pretty. Blue drink with pearl inside.

My main goal why I went to Tallin was to see the old city. But now my sister said we have too much to carry with us, and we don't have the time. I just sat there and cried. Silently weeped. I told my sister thats why I wanted to go there and that I was really upset because we were supposed to go there first. It felt horrible to think that I wasn't able to see it. Then my sister said that we should make it if she can carry all the things. There was couple of hours left before our cruise home. We had time and strength to just sratch it, but I cheered up because its better than nothing. My sister promised me that sometime we will go there and really take some pretty pictures.

I took some pictures from the bit I saw, and I found it stunning. My father also said that their food is so good, you'll instantly love it. I wasn't able to eat there cause of the time but I will try it next time.

Now we were heading back, and we were exhausted. We got some coffee, smoked a lot and sat on the ground. When we got back to the ship, we took our stuff to a locker and headed up to make the rest of the shopping. I bought these adorable zodiac liquer bottles to me and my darling. As a decoration item ofc. Some candies and chocolate for the family and then we were done.

We were still feeling really hot, and the weather was beautiful so perfect way to spend the rest of the way home on the deck. Sat on the edge watching at the sea, having some snacks.. Then a seagull flies hereright on a pole that was right above my head. TGbe seagull was huge and I was sure I'm getting pooped on. They seagull left and we decided to walk some too and see the rear end of the ship. I have to say I had a few Marilyn Monroe moments cause it was so windy there. We could barely walk back where we came from, It was freezing and even our coffees flew out of our cups.

Back at sweet finland. We walked straight to my brother and headed hhome. We did't find our way out of Helsinki at first, had a tiny oopsie when we were driving on wrong lane, to a wrong direction. Thank god my brother fixed the situation fast and we had a huge laugh at some van that did the same thing after us. My brother took me home with m boyfriend and then took my sister home. I was happy to finally be home and heading to sleep.

My thoughts on Tallinn in a nutshell:

  • Beautiful summer city
  • Cheap
  • Great for shopping
  • Old city is really worth a proper look 
  • Everywhere smelled a bit funny
  • Still can't undestand the language
  • Cruise shit was allright
  • Will go again

Special thanks to my siblings!

This was My Entire summer. Lots of adventures and experiences, fun company and loads of fun. Now the summer is starting to end and autumn creeps closer. Time to get back to do some work with myself and get out the relaxing candles. Life doesnt stop here, neither does adventures. This was just one chapter inthe book of life and I'm ready to see the next one.

Thank you for reading, Love you!

-Rebella Nana Darkstar

Sep 8, 2017

My Entire Summer ||pt.4|| Helsinki

I'm here to tell you about my first trip to Helsinki, our capital.

This has to be the most stressful thing I've ever done. Yet, I regret nothing.
It was also the most fun thing I've ever done!

The preparations:
We had planned to stay in a hotel while we are in Helsinki, but soon we realized the prize is skyhigh. I was really upset because, that was one the biggest experiences I was waiting for, but oh well, some other time then.

Travel part was easy. We took a train there. Convienient, fast, smooth, and ecofriendly. I'm very happy that the train tickets were very cheap. I never had been in a train before, so I was so excited to be in one  I was being me and got stressed to even buy the tickets. The netsites work just as well as the train itself.

The date we decided based on the next part of this series. My trip to Tallinn with my sister. So the date to go to Helsinki was 2 days before that. Reason being that the cruiseship was due to go from Helsinki.

The morning:
This was one hard morning for me. I couldn't sleep very well because of the excitement and nervousness. The wake up was too early (for me) at 8am. Being also me, I overslept.

When I finally woke up, my mourning routine took so much time, we almost missed the train. Luckily, we made it. Then there was some old couple sitting on our seats. I couldn't ask them to move so we decided to go somewhere else. I got a bit seasick and was so tired, I needed ten tons of caffeine. Otherwise, I loved the ride. Trains are gonna be my favourite.

Now, we were there. The big city. And boy, oh boy. This was some crazyride. I felt like I was far from home. Tampere is not a small city either, but this was another level. Damn, This looked like a mini version of NYC. Bright lights, shopping centres, fashionistas everywhere. I'm so gonna go back there for shopping. Now we decided to go somewhere close but more peaceful. Kaisanniemen puisto. Perfect, a park nearby. It was beautiful and the first place ever where I've seen geese. They looked like a little gang :D Weather was really against us at this time. We ate some soft ice in a pouring rain. It still tastes good, haha.

First day|Night

This was the day I was waiting for. Meeting my fiances sister, Suenne, for the first time. She is one of the sweetest and nicest person I've ever known. Remember when I told that we couln't sleep in a hotel? Instead we had a comfortable setting with his sister and his sisters partner. They have the most adorable cat ever. Cutie furrball boy called Tatu.

Before we headed to her apartment, we went to chat to a smokey, adorable little pub/coffe house called Old Hat. I was too shy to talk much. We have to visit them more often now, so I'd stop being so shy. The place was so cozy and I felt very welcome there. Suenne is an artist, to be more exact she is an author.

Before sleeping we went to beautiful park just next door the apartment. Strömbergin puisto = Strömbergs park. Gorgeus views, amazing little waterfall. One of the most peaceful places Ive ever seen! Then we went to sleep, I was out like a candle.

Second day:

This morning was a lot easier to wake up than the first one, yet I still refused to get up in time. Did my makeup and was getting ready to an epic day in an epic city with the most epic company. I was gonna meet my "brother" Elmo (The green manatee). We haven't been seing much because he lives so far away. We both have gone trough some hard times in our life and we are at somewhat in the same point right now. Both would love to go to school, but we both have reasons why we can't follow our desire.

So this time we took a bus to the central, and I went sitting close to the Kaisaniemen puisto, while Samuli was going to buy us something to drink. IT WAS A MISTAKE! I should never sit alone anywhere. I was alone, minding my own business, about 5 minutes. Then this gentleman from Africa  walks to me and starts a conversation with broken english. He was asking me all kinds of things. Like, why I am alone, Where am I going, Who I'm with. I tried my best to stay calm and nice, even tho - I was really nervous. I'm always scared what comes to new social encounters. He asked if he could sit next to me while I wait my fiance to get back. I couln't dare to say no. Luckily this man was very nice to me, and seemed like he didn't want any harm.

Then another gentleman walks to us, asking for weed. He was drunk. I'm not really good with drunk people. We told him that we don't have any weed with us, so he can't buy it from us. He kept insisting that we do have some and jut refuse to sell it to him. When we finally made him understan we don't have any, he went to chat with his other friends. Well, now I was scared to death but its not ending yet. There walks another man, this time a finnish fellow. Even more drunk than this other man right before him. Now he tries to buy some weed from us, and again we try to tell him we don't have any. He didn't believe us and he was very aggressive. I was really close to a panic attack at this point, but luckily the first gentleman, who was sitting next to me, decided to take this man away from me.

The couple minutes I was sitting alone again went by. The gentleman comes back to sit next to me and tries to keep the conversation going. He keeps asking everything about me. I answered very carefully and then he asks for my number. I told him I'm not comfortable giving that to him, and he understood that. So I gave him my facebook link instead. Then he says his goodbyes and goes. I was furiously texting both Elmo and Samuli, near panic, I was trying to think where to go, so no one would come up to me anymore.

Now, Elmo comes up and I was so relieved. All the tension and panic faded away. Samuli also comes back at this point and I'm totally relax. Now the happiest day of my life can begin!

We headed to get some coffee from starbucks, because the only place where Starbucks exists here in Finland, is Helsinki. AND DAMN MAN. That was the greatest Iced coffee I've ever had. Next, we went to a another beautiful park. Vanha kirkkopuisto. We talked and had fun. Nothing extra special. We wondered around, looking everywhere, it was a gorgeus city. Thanks to Elmo for knowing where we were supposed to go, so we didn't get lost in there. I wasn't shopping even tho I wanted to. I thought its best to save all the money I can to the trip to Tallinn.

Then night starts to fall and we realize that we have to get up, extremely early the next morning. So, we made sure Elmo got to his bus safely and we took a bullet train back to the apartment. I was scared to even do that, cause I had no idea what to do, how to pay, where to sit. It went allright, eventually and now was the time to head to sleep. I originally thought I should stay up the entire night, cause I was sure I will not wake up on time. I fell asleep very fast and looking back. I would of been a stupid idea to stay up.


My thoughts on Helsinki in a nutshell:

  • Very beautiful architecture
  • Excellent summer city.
  • Great for shopping and tourism.
  • Parks are amazing.
  • A bit expensive but worth it.
  • So many people.
  • Excellent ways to get around town.
  • I love the subway! 
  • I wouldn't live there but I will definetly visit again.

Special thanks to:
My bae Samuli
Suenne & her family
I love you <3

Next part of this series will be about my trip to Tallinn, Estonia. I'll try to make it a bit shoter than this. Visit Helsinki and have a great day. Thank you for sharing this experience with me.

Love yall!

-Rebella Nana Darkstar