Dec 7, 2011

Not again... FU*K!

Again.. Again.. Again.... COOL  NOT!!
I'm in child-care centre...
I was stupid but still. There is much better that in my "home"...
They don't preassure me,  they don't hurt me, they never blame me, im equal to everyone... etc..
They say I'm too self-destructive and depressed.
I'm glad I'll finally get help.
I just hope I don't have to go "home" ever again...
I'm.. a bit sad.. cause...
I didn't saw my friends in 6 days...
Now.. My girlfriend... Doesn't answer to my phonecalls..
She said she is too depressed...
It makes me sad..
a week ago we got engaged...
I'm really missing her very very much...
Blog ya later....

Nov 30, 2011

True Rockstar (?)

What a wierd week...
I have not eated almost anything.
Have just practiced with the band and
working on our music video.
I'm still trying to make our band a whole.'
I'm not sure about should I let my friend
to be our singer.
It has been my dream but...
I'll let her.
She has a very good voice and I'll
do anything for the band.
Im not sure am I a guitarist or  a basist.
I have skills for both.
Guitar is more fun and exciting.
Bass is a bit easier and it sounds good.
So really complicated this whole band thing.
I'll figure it out soon enough.
 Yo, bloggers!!

Nov 23, 2011

Rocker life

I have been living a rocker life this week.
I have stayed up late, planning and doing my music video..
I have been late for school every single day this week.
I just  have to do things.
Today I need to go tot the music shop.
We need to buy new drums for Theresa,
and a pair of guitar strings.
I need then and she needs them :)
Our band is finnally progressing.
And I desided I'll be the basist.
I hope well start to get practicing soon.
We dont have the room yet.

We have almost planned everything in our A7X - SO FAR AWAY music video
We miss and love him much!
Best drummer in the world.
I'll link it here when we have it ready.
Theresa has been living with me for all this week.
We just need to get that music video ready soon before snow comes in.
Remember to comment!

Love you blog-dogs!! <3

Nov 16, 2011



Today I have been exactly a year together with my love.
Our first anniversary. I'm feeling exremely happy right now.
I just love her SOOOO MUCH!!! <3333
I can't never ever ever live without her.
She is mine, I am only hers. Forever and ever.
I know it sounds really korny..
But it is true. And I'm different I really DO mean it!
I can be with her forever. All the time she wants.
Today I'm going to be with her.
just with her.
She is amaizing.
Her beauty makes me cry instatly, constatly.

I hope and wish and know there is a loved one for everyone!
Little bit music for you guys! <3

Nov 9, 2011

Last week.


Few days, Then I have been in relationship over a year.
I love my girlfriend so much.
She is my darling, my love 4ever.
I cant live without her.
Emma I truly love you!


I had really fun last weekend.
I was with EMMA! <3
And we had a Halloween party on saturday.
(Pictures later!)
And  we eated choclate balls and we named them "monsters poop"
Plz Dont ask why :D
On sunday I was in the city with Emma and Theresa<3
Drinking Monster and ED ;D
We had fun with candies too! <3
Then I went to the movies with ,my "big sister" Anna :)
She is not my real sister just feels like it! :)
We saw movie called Contagius.
It was cool :) I recommed it to all of you!<3


Uhhhmm.. I dont remember allmost anything.
Theresa was at my place and we sang karaoke. It was fun :)
I just loce to be with her.
She is my "TWIN" ;D
I'm going to get happier now ;)

I was with Emma <3 and Theresa and Viivi-bonbon
We were laughing all the time :)
And  I was really tired cause I laughed two hours on a row everytime I saw yellow..
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I dont see anything funny about that color but I was really tired that day..


I'm in school.
Here is so boring.
Even though I can be in internet.
So booring..
I wish school could be over already..
My love is coming to here in few hours.
We are not in same school..
And she is one year younger than me :) <3
She is sick today so im going to her place to cheer her up =3
and I cant live without her. <3I'll blog ya later, alligator! ~<33
Emzz I love you honey 4 ever! <33

Nov 2, 2011

What about me..?

Im getting really upset with my life..
I love everyone around me and all my friends MUCH!! <3
But still it feels like no one does really understand me...
Im sort of happy cause we won 3000e in lottory..
Now I get my videocam soon..
I wrote a suicide letter few days ago..
Im sure it is not real, just emotional breakdown for me..
Im not going to kill myself.
Reasons why not:

1.My dreams would be ruined.
- I want to be a rockstar
- have a band
- Meet Ville Valo <3
-Show to our school I AM SOMETHING!

2.My friends would hate me and get hurt.
- I dont want to hurt them, never!
- I love them and Im glad they are in my life.
- They love me.
-I cant do that to them...

Here's the main reasons...

I need to thank few of my friends!
Theresa~ Thank you that youre always with me when I need you! Darling!!! <33
Datafox~Thank you for talking sense to me. Love you too! <333
Roni~ Thank you for making me feel better..I need to know you more!! <33
Pawi~Thank you for being my bigbro!! <333
Mikko~ Thank you for being one of my best friends! <33


Oct 26, 2011


Im soo sorry I haven't been here in a long long long long time.
I promise I'll be here more often for now on.
Me and the girl. We're now bestest friends.
Her name is Theresa. For me it is I mean ;3
We are always together or speaking on phone.
We live for eachother. She is exactly like me.
Of course we don't look the same but personality is the same.
I'm glad I found someone who I CAN really trust!!!
We have same problems and we get straingh from eachother.
I'm feeling much stronger now when I get bullied.
I'm always protecting her.
Im laughing everytime some one tries to bully me.
It is soo funny that they even try, cause they CAN'T!! :D haha

I fell in love with Ville Valo and HIM all over again. <33333333
He's gorgeusssss!! He's GOD!!! <3333333333333333333333333
Hahaha. My bestfriend likes my mans bestfriend! Soo cuteee!!
Heres a song for you guys and I'll blog ya later!!! <3
C YA! <3 

Sep 26, 2011

Hello world.
I'm really hopeful with something.
I really wish this one thing to happen.
I can't make it myself, it depends on someone other than me.
Some one who I love.
He just broke up with his girlfriend.
I don't go and he to be my boyfriend.
I think it is not right thing to do.
I'll let him decide.
I'll give him time and space.
Breaking up is never easy even some people think it is.
It isn't.
I have been in a whole other world for sometime.
I have lived in my own head.
I like it that way.
Still I don't close the real world from me.
I can't be myself, if I can't live like this for sometime.
I need to know what I want.

Weekend was the best.
I was with my friend.
We had a sleepover party.
We talked about boys, and of course about our crushes. ;)
We did so many great things, I felt so good for a long time.
Afterwards I really miss that time we spent..
I was happy..
But not anymore... I got many different difficult situations...
Not it is a war in my head. 
That's all I need to say for now. 
And of course...
Cheer up Make, you are Cool!  

Sep 5, 2011

Angst again.

I cant help this stupid feeling that I am alone..
I feel so lonely..
I can't stop thinking about him.
I don't even know his name.
I see him almost everyday.
My face turns red everytime I see him.
It makes me so uncomfortable.
I like him sooooooooooo much!
He wears so cool clothes, he's hair is supercute.
And I love his chains.
He is just super cute.
I want him.

Sep 4, 2011


Today is the day what I hate...
Cleaning day..
I need to clean the whole house.
It is a really big mess...
I am going to be really tired after this.
-.-  But I have no choice.
If I don't do it, I cant go anywhere,cause my parents take my busscard.
And I want to go to my guitarlessons.
So... I am annoid..
If I have anytime left I will blog ya later...

Sep 2, 2011

Life, truth, love secure. I lost them all.

Do you know  how it feels when you have nothing left?
Family puts you under pressure.
Friends turn their back to you.
You can't even eat caus it makes you feel sick and you want to throwup...
Well, I do...
I'm really losing my will to live..
I guess I am not going to die either.
I just don't have almost any interest to do anything.
But I will try I'm not so weak.
I'm going to the Lataamo today. :)
I really love that place.
It makes me worth of something.
Ivan makes mefeel like I'm worth of something too.
I'm so glad that I made him happy.
Cause he is sooooooo importan to me and others.
Love you IVAN!! :)
He makes me happy.
everytime I talk to him, I feel so much better.
So here is a song for you which tells you how I feel.
You can wake me up when september ends <3

Sep 1, 2011

Well well, oh wishing well...

I am getting really annoid with this situation.
It kills me, really kills me...
I can't stand if this goes like this...
Even my sister has a man now..
iIam sorry for this wining, but it really fu*king annoys me.
Still more and more of my friends are avoiding me and leaving me alone.
Why do they hate me so much?!
Some one tell me, please?
Even my real best friend leaves me alone,when she is with her another friend. 
It really hurts me and I don't even know why does her friend hate me so much. 
I have done nothing wrong to her.
So why does she act like so.
I really miss some of my another friends. 
One of the friends who I miss the most is Ivan.
I have not talked to him in days so I am really missing him.
He means really much to me and I could even say that i love him!
Cheer up Ivan! I love you!
And I really need you!
For you Ivan:
We all get hurt really bad sometimes.
And we hear really much lies.
Sometimes the truth makes us sad.
Somethings can even make us mad.
Don't give up, then I wont either.
I know that you are fighter.
I wish I will find (or he finds me)
The one true love of my life! <3

Aug 31, 2011

Long time, no see.

Once again has gone so much time.
But I have a reason for that.
I have had really bad time and my depression is coming back
really bad...
Some of my friends have left me and some of them are getting annoid cause of my depression and panic-disorder.
Especially cause I am scared of new social-situations.
I'm getting really sad, cause everyone has someone..
I mean GF/BF's..It hurts.. So many say that I will never get anyone... I don't want to believe them.. I want to think they are wrong..
But I have noticed it by myself..
Really many avoid me or an eye-contact with me.. Am I really so Fu*king bad?!..
Today I noticed one girl.. She is really different than others and she is bit like me..
I have heard that:
She likes poetry, like I do.
She is depressed, like I am.
She "likes" Death, like i do.
She is dark, like I am.
She wears black all time, like I do.
That is the reason why she makes me think of her.
But.. In a friend kind of way.. You know..?
I don't know what should I think..
What should I feel?..
What should I do?...
Here is questions to all of you, my dear readers.
If ýou know, please tell.
 At the end. Here is one poem to you:

When fall falls,
colors shine.
That is the reason,
 why I am shy.
He looks the rain and starts crying.
The Nature is never lying.

Aug 9, 2011

I love Skateboarding!

I'm sorry that I haven't written here in a long time.
It is just cause I bought a few days ago, the BEST skateboard ever! <3
And now it is just beautiful cause it is slightly broken. (I use it a lot)
I named it T-Rain: .
Cause there is three meanings:
1. It started raining at the first time I tried it (Rain)
2. Our Skateboardingplace a next to a Traintrack (Train)
3. Actively practicing and trainig (Train)
Yepyep .. I have since fallen only 2 times :3 At the first time I only scratched the elbow, but the second time scratched it again, and it was difficult to breathe. :3 It's pretty fun. Senni call them as "battle-scars":3
And the first time  I falled, Senni was there in a second just telling me, her motto. "It's just a scratch." : 3
Well, you must fall in skateboarding. :3

Jul 22, 2011

Happy anniversary!

My Parents have their 11th anniversary today!<3
I love LOVE!...
Yea sorry for not blogging in few days.. I had a rough time.
Well I have nothing to tell..
I have done nothing special..
Sunday Is Going To Be Da Best Day Ever!!
I'll be with Tuulia! <333


Jul 17, 2011

yeayea! :)

Hey ya blog-dogs!
So. Again I'm going to be with Nina<3
And I guess we are going to hang out at schoolyard today.
It is fun to just hang out there and remember all the stupid things we did
when we were primary-school children :3
And I got a new friend today. :3
I'm calling him DragonHeart. (Don't ask why) 
:3 He's funny guy :3 
That is all I have to tell.
byebye bloggers, blog ya later!~

Jul 15, 2011

Thankzz Datafox~

I had a lot of fun with Datafox today~
First we met in Tesoma, then we went to his house.
He almost killed me with his bass :3 It was fun.
He poked my forehead and I said " I know I am stupid!  :3
He got gaught at my tights when he tryed to get mah diary :3 Lolcatz!
He still thinks that I am a bit wierd in a goodway I guess...
Then I walked home whe it rained and I looked awful whe I got back home but It was worth it all!~
Well I have like nothing to tell about.
Love ya Datafox mah darling!!~.~ <3333

Jul 14, 2011

I felt artistic..

Only half of me, you can see. I'm just  a ghost. Alone and lost 

Yo Yo! No no.. it is HELL YEAH! \,,/

Hey ya all!
My day.. I went to sleep at 05:02am and woke up at 08:05am..
So I am bit tired, and I can't eat anything cause it wont stay down.
I staid up so late 'cause I was talking with my friends about drugs.
Not in a bad way ofcuorse... just chatting...
Then I got really sad again and they cheered me up!
THANK YOU PAWI AND SMIKE!!~<3 I love you! ~<3
everyone who has been there for me when I've needed a friend. 
Big hugs and I preciate you all!~<3
I chatted really funny things with Jenny today.
Stuff like " I am a duck! No firetruck! No, now I know fireduck! 
 I went out with Nina today and she bought me and euroshopper energydrink
a.k.a. ES!!
I needed it <3
I'm happy 'cause I know that I will see Datafox tomorrow ! ~
I hope were going to have fun as always!
Btw. I don't usually use real names in my blog.
But they know that I mean them. <3
Blog ya guys laterrrrr!!!! <33

Jul 13, 2011

Video... Serious one.

Sorry about that volume change..

Jul 12, 2011

Poet.. I love poetry

Life hurts and scars that may be.
Do not give up.
Every scar tells its own story.
Do not let go.
Hey, honey, sweetie darling.
You too can get your happiness back.
You just have to let go of all the useless shit.
You honey, you're my life savior.
Please do not let me back anymore.
To the condition when only wished death.
I do not intend to disclose your relationship.

Monster = unloved

Would anyone love a monster girl?!
Maybe I should star believe that I am one of the monsters and outcast of this world...
This name calling is tearing me and my heart apart.
If someone thinks that I am worthless, soulles, evil and insensitive monster then
why all humans think so. MAKE YOU'R OWN OPINION!
Here is how I feel now..

Happy happy day.. or was it?

I had fun with NINA and ROSA today. :) We sat whole day in swings and
talked about everything r4nDoM . They are masters about talking fun things :). 
Well I son't have much to tell.
Oh.. and my mom went really upset about me being at the computer too late.
I went to sleep like 05:00 am.. and I don't blame her.
Well heres a great song for you to listen, Blog ya later, alligator. <3
Look at  those words. Love this song <33 
I am really huge fan of HIM!! <3 
But hey you gotta love them.~ <3

:) Enjoyy :)

Sorry about those lag parts :D


I can't sleep. I'm feeling so lonely and fragile. I feel so restless.
 I need someone beside me. I feel like I have thousands of spirits around me, ready to hurt or kil me.

Who's aura is this?

Here is first video blog :)

Jul 11, 2011


YO YO!!!
I had really fun with NINA today.
She asked me to be with her and we had lot of fun.
We just ran in the rain and we took lots of videos.
yea so I had fun.
This day was not so bad afterall. :)

Cya bloggers!!

Heavy rain, rain again. Silent rain, rain again.

Hey, Wazz up bloggers?!

So this day.
I woke up feeling this day is gonna be good. 
That im going to do something with friends and my older-brother goes to army.
Things went horribly wrong.
I needed to babysit my younger-brother+ my cousin.
I needed to keep them quaite so mom could sleep.
I've sitted whole day here with the computer and now it is raining again.
So I can't go out, and why shoul I?
My friends can't be with me. So what is the point? 
Yo blog ya later.

Jul 10, 2011

Lyrics vol.1

My soul is burning and heart is icecold.
This feeling makes me sick of home.
I pray from devils and angels for an awake.
This is the most pain I can take.
I want out, that is what you see.
But it is more complicated for me.
Pain and agony comes back to me.
I need to die, can't you see.
I wish this suffering is never your's.
I want to avoid all the calls.
Here all the towers are only falling.
And I still keep howling.
My love, let me out of this pain.
Before it makes me insane.
I need to tell this before i go.
I love you more than I can show.

So Yea


I just realized that I need to blog in english.
It works better for me.
But yea.
Now I'm super bored.
I have like nothing to do.
And here is super hot and my energy level is total 0..

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