Nov 15, 2012

Run away baby, run away

Well well, look who is back.                                                              
I have been thinking pretty crazy stuff lately.                                 
Two of those I have done.                                                             
Belly ring and running away.                                                             
Yesterday I ran away from home.                                                     
I felt like i don't belong here and no one will miss me.                          
I was wrong.                                                                                      
_I made REALLY many worried sick._                                              
I felt like that I'm only trouble.                                                             
I havent been in school for two weeks.                                                
I can't wake up, I try but still nothing.                                                   
I'm always late.                                                                                    
I heard people talk that Im trouble.                                                       
Then I decided to go.                                                                           
I cycled in Lamminpää, then jumped in a bus to go to central square.     
Then I went to another bus and went to Pori.                                        
its quite far from where I live.                                                               
I wanted to be in peace.                                                                     
To find myself and the place I belong.                                                 
Now im in much more bigger trouble.                                                  
I think I might be in childcare-center for the rest of my youth.               
Thats not life.                                                                                        
not life at all.                                                                                          
So FUCK FUCK FUCK!                                                                 
I hate this. I can't do anything. goddammit.                                              
Its not what is best for me. NO!                                                            
i can't decide.                                                                                         
I might not be uploading this in very long time...                                        
Farewell for now my lovely friends and readers<3                                    

Sep 10, 2012

I failed xD

I have a plaster on my leg cause I fell of a scooter :D
I have some nerve-damage but its not broken, fortunately.
and this timing is the worst cause we are moving to Ylöjärvi right now.
I'm playing games on computer and just relaxing.
Leeeeeeeg acheessss.. :/
I'm just laying in my bed listening S.O.A.D

♥ kiss on the neck = "we belong together"

♥ kiss on on the shoulder = "I want you"

♥ kiss on the lips = "I love you"

♥ holding hands = "we can learn to love each other"

♥ slap on his/her ass = "that's mine"

♥ play with the ear,= "I can not live without you"

♥ hold tight = " never let go of me"

♥ look in the eye,= "do not let go of us"

♥ play with his/her hair,= "say that you love me"

♥ hands on hips = "I love too much to let go"

♥ laugh and kisses = "I am completely relaxed with you"

♥ piece of advice - do not ask for a kiss, just  do it yourself.

♥ if you thought someone at the same time when you read this, you are surely in love.

♥ never should be too much in love, if love is lost of life he can not be forgotten

Love hurts, and life does too.
Mehhhhh! I'm havin fun anyway.
and I have my own cat nowadays <3 yaaaaaaaaaaaay<3

blog ya later!


Aug 27, 2012


So I was in a one kind of hospital for two weeks.
Teenage at its highest point and senior year in school and way different lifestyle nowadays.
I'm going to move in another city and I try to live more healthier. 
Im not giving up on the habit of  smoking :D
but eating more properly and sleeping enough. (at night not at day like my summer days)
now, i don't feel like eating even tho i should.  f*ck! We'll see about my "healthier" habbits.
So I'm still sitting here even tho i should be sleeping by now.
I was almost sleeping earlier. and I'm single again.
Turned out he was kinda.. uhmm... how to say it nicely.. an asshole!
But I'm over. Teenage what else I can say :D
my hair is pink-black nowadays


Jul 31, 2012

New life is going to start in fucking fifteen

I have found out my family and I are going to move in Ylöjärvi.
But its not sure.(yet.)
I really want that house because there I could have my own room and style it myself.
this is the colour theme: Lavender & Black
I have planned it much aready and its going to be huge dissapointment if we don't get that house.
Also I have started to listen one "new" band.
 System of a Down <3

Aerials, Prison song, Lonely day, Sugar and Cigaro are my fav songs.
"My cock is much bigger than yours"
I adore Daron Malakian <3

I'm waiting for school. Its my senior year of secondary school so its my 9th grade.
I really want to study but I fear for my power and energy.
My mental state can go really bad in school.
So it gets me scared.
Its going to be serious year and very important too.
I have to choose to go to high-school or in vocational-school..
2 weeks and left until school (14 days)

Let's jump again in other subject.
Here is list of all piercings I want:
3 brow piercings


Christina piercing

Venom bites

Bellybutton piercing

Nipple piercings

There is few piercings xD

I Think that is all I have to say for now :3

Bye bloggers :3


Jul 24, 2012

Despirate or?

I once met this girl,
She’s pretty as could be,
I told her she was beautiful,
But she didn’t believe me.

Frustration consumed me,
How could she not see,
Despite the perfection I perceive,
She sees inadequacy.

See society has taught her,
To hate her the skin she’s in,
To compare herself to billboards,
To starve util she’s thin.

But even if she made it,
Ignored her hunger pain,
Would she finally feel at peace,
Or would her sorrow remain.

Rejection like an infection,
Breeding victims of disaffection,
So pardon my interjection,
But we must go a new direction.

This isn’t natural selection,
Rather a warped projection,
Women don’t need your objection,
They deserve uninfluenced introspection.

Jul 17, 2012

Carvings and love

Hello everyone.
I want to escape from reality.
I got a reminder of how some people can just be so stupid and pathetic.
I had to go to store with Laurie and there was my ex with his friends...
I just  happen to haaaate his friends.
First they act nice and suddenly all the shit came up..
And the BEST of all all the shit theytalked was about me and my friends outside look.
Oh, come on.. I just feel like they can't even piss me of
Pssst They called me an elephant :'D.
I was after just laughing at them...
But now I feel kind of horrible.
Is that really what they think of me?
Even tho. I try not to care but still, it somehow bothers me a bit.
I know there is people who wont accept me, what kind I ever was.
So, I'm still going to be loyal to my own personal style.
It just was a little wake up call to me from my fantasy world.

Can some one buy me a flying ticket to England, please?

No serously I need to get there  for even a visit..
I just honestly need a cuddle.
Cuddle with the person I care about the most.



I did these today. <3

Forever and ever baby<3

One thing before I go to have my sleep..

Ty, Don't do anything stupid.
I care about you.
You are important as hell to me..

Well all I have to say so bye.


Jul 11, 2012

Love hurts and helps and feels so good

The 7 things I like about you!
Your hair, your eyes, your clothes
When we kiss I'm hypnotized
You make me laugh, you make me cry
But I guess that's both I'll have to buy
Your hands in mine
When we're intertwined, everything's alright
I wanna be with the one I know
And the 7th thing I like most that you do
You made me love you.
To Robbie! <3

One word I won't understand.
I feel hurt, I feel so good.
Wow, I really can't understand the word..
My whole life is Robbie! <3
All I had to say for now <3

Bye and cya! <33                                                                                               -JanzQ

Jul 10, 2012

Somedays just go by without noticing.

Hello to you all.
Once again I coloured my hair. 
Black and red.
I like it a lot and it suits me pretty well. (Pictures later)
So what have I thought past these few days.
Mostly Robbie.

I have no idea what I should write in here.
Summervacation is still on.
But this does not feel like summer at all.
This summer has been almost all rain rain rain.
I know you guys know thatI love rain but...
U know..
I get upset when it is raining.
_That is just who I am_
If you try to search through me brick by brick what will you find.
Thoug outside, Inside there is a big caring heart that beats for;

Human rights,
Deep thinking,
and of course for Robbie.

You really should not judge people by their looks.
I have come up with some bullying stories lately.
Most of them are just ridiculous.
Like some one (actually many) are bullied cause of the haircolour.
Like what the fuck?
U guys really judge peple by the hair colour?
Thats just stupid and ridiculous.
I know I'm not perfect myself and I do judge people by the skin colour.
I can admit that. But I'm not saying it is right thing to do.
Cause it is not.
I know how it feels when someone judges you by the looks.
Some people avoid me cause of my looks.
But I'm getting used to it.

Even tho I'm talking all this shit I'm not sayin this whole world is rotten.
There is some good people out there.
I have seen few. Like my friends.
and no I'm not saying they are perfect either.
we have our fights.
we do saybad things to eachother at times.
Still they stand by me all the time I need them.
Specially Robbie.
He tries he's fucking everything to make me even smile.
I preciate and love him much.
I have a kind heart.
I really do.
and I don't know does this all sound like I'm trying to make myself so much fucking better than everyone else
I'm not trying to do that.

Have you seen any flowers or trees lately?
Yes you have.
Have you stopped by them and thought about them?
I doubt.
Have you ever tought thatthe nature gives us so much everyday.
I have learned to love nature's powers more day by day.

U really think I'm talking nonsense?
I know how you feel.
I sometimes read my own blogmarks and think like "What the fuck I'm talking about?"
but every word comes from the heart.

Well now. Song for you and I will blog you later

Pssssst!  I love you Robbie! <3

Blog you guys later

Jul 1, 2012

I wanna steal your heart and eat your brainzz

Urban love song. 
 I think only one person when I listen this song.
Robbie ! <3
I really need him to my life.
my best best best friend and love! <3
I couldn't think my life without you..
Be in my life forever and longer! <3
I adore adore adore and adore you boy!
U are too Important to me!
I'll be here for you.
All the time.
Whenever you need me I'm here for you.

 Robbie makes me smile! 
Robbie makes me laugh!
Robbie is tooooooooooooooooooooo adorable!


I visited Lamminpään's graveyard.
I visited my friend's, my friends cousin and my elders graves.
I felt the peace of that place. I adore graveyards and I'm going there very soon again.

I feel so peaceful now and I think I'll just hanfg this last evening.

Blog ya later



Jun 26, 2012

I need to come out of my shell now..

Something hit me. 
Something hit me deep.

I'm thankful for everyone who have bullied me over the years,
Thank you!
I'm better person cause of you.
I know what hurts and how it hurts.
In this life there is lots of moments.
Bad and not so bad.
Good moments are rare.
I have found friends who want to be there beside me.
If u ever had not bullied me, I would not had to do so pathetic things I didt
to find friends.
And Now I have best friends in the world!
They have saved my life
I have tried suicide many times cause of loneliness..
No longer. Friends never leave me.
They're true friends.
Even tho, Life likes to be cruel.
an take it's toll.
Just be cruel back and don't give a fuck.
I honestly know what I'm talking about.
And I know this what I say is not easy at all
 I know my situation is not the worst or even near.
But still I can tell you some of my experienses and tell you, YOU CAN go over them.

I have been bullied in school every day for 8 years now.

I have been: spitted on, ripped by clothes, ripped by hair,
pushed against the walls and lockers,
 name calling (fat, ugly, bitch, whore, slut, emo, angstkid, fat-emo)
read my personal diary,
kicked and hit me, they have called me a demon who curses them all,
they have avoided me as much as they can.
I had to starv myself cuz of them.
I was so scared to go on classes I got very low grades.
but still I am here.
They did not break me down.
I look how I want to and I live my life. Soon enough. I can get rid of them.
This is me! I have not been listened to how I should look like!

And start to make my dreams come true.

In home life has not been so good at times either.
 everything but it is just normal. ;3 remember it.
OMG! Is she EMO?! No I'm not. And even If I was I'd be proud.

 You have seen me! Some of you think I am beautiful, some don't
You have to realize u can please everyone.
You only have to please yourself!
I'm not just talking in here. It's true. You will notice.
Teen age is terrible yet wonderful time.
Take every possibility and open your wings. They will get u far!
I had to tell everyone who has ever doubted theirselves.
DON'T! Just live and show middle finger to anyone who you don't care, unless they truly care about you.
Don't ever say goodbye to a friend who cares about you.
Just say good bye to them. who don't deserve you.
BE YOUR OWN LIFE'S PRINCE(SS) Just like I am! <3
Blog ya later! <3 I love you guys!                                                                          

Jun 25, 2012

Sky is crying.

It's raining. and I'm not sure is this second or third day in a row.
It makes me feel so wierd. I have been worshipping nature and all astrology and everything.
And now when the sky cries. its different than just rain
<-"This song makes me think of you"

Well, for now on, I think about you when I listen this.
When I see the rain and hear this...
I can't stop tears coming to my eyes.
I think all good moments in my life and how you always tried to make me laugh or smile.


Jun 23, 2012


So, It's mid summer and everyones having party and stuff.
We had somekind yesterday. Some music and sweets. Karaoke and stuff.
Yeah, the normal. But NO ALCOHOL! nuh-uh.
We don't need it to have fun.

My heart got a hit
Cupid's Arrow is from his wine I guess
It sank so deep in
Just like to stay there forever
I shake cause of the attack
Even if it hurts, I don't weep

I was living in my world
I thought that that the peace would not shake
but just wait
In my dreams you come, you are mine, you are in my dreams
Day and night only I miss you

My heart is in your hand
I turn so weak when I fall in love
My heart is yours forever
I hope that you share yours with me
My soul is like in a fog
searching for thee, and I'm restless

I want to fall on your arms
Your smile has caused it
I do not stand to wait for your touch
My knees fail under me
You can have me completely
I make my journey to your arms

Summer.. its fuck*ng cold in here.
Yea,.. I Love Finland... 
So what are you up to do guys?
Put some comments about your summerplans.
I'd like to know. :3

Blog ya later, alligator!         

Jun 13, 2012

Wish upon a star and read wise words

Wise as a serpent, innocent as a dove
say it out loud, as innocent as a dove,
the last tear, never longer..
Young alcoholics, turn to old alcoholics,
Easier to be wrong, than searching for the right,
Easier to break, than to build
Easier to hurt, than to love
Not believing, than to believe
Go where its easiest to go

And that is why we're here


Where is the caring, there is love
Where is the honesty, there is trust
Where is good to be, there is happiness
Where are the dreams, there is hope
Where are you, There is me

<--You and me always together <3

Everyone here chooses their own way, others dont need to know the reason. You do not have to ask for the answer, the important thing is that you stay on the map yourself

Without you I'm nothing,
No way to survive. 
You make my day.
You are my sun and I'll never Let you go.

blog you later.
                                                          - JanzQ

Jun 11, 2012

few things from today ~

Do not ever give up about him who makes you smile.
Life's greatest challenge is to find someone who knows all your faults, and the differences of you and knows ur screwed up things, but despite that accepts you as you and stays with you. 
 If you have a person you care about for real, hold onto him and give him a part of yourself. 
 Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you angry and miss him, when he is not with you.
I know what is like to be hurt, to miss someone important, to be hated, to think im hated, feel like nothing goes right, feeling bad for friend, friend stabbing a back... I know all of these. And look.
Here I am.
Still living and going on.
 <--- This is not just a picture.
You can have this.
You can feel like this.
You only need to believe in yourself.
And trust others.
All you need to do is not give up hope,
dont reject the beautiful things.
Remember when you are at the bottom..

I have been in the bottom.
many many times.
but I have got up there.
Myself or with the help of friends.

So, my mind goes from heaven to hell and back in seconds again.
My bestest friend ever  lives in england.
He is uper duper important to me and I love him much.
Mark you're my angel <3
I'm still going to move in england ASAP.
I really love england and the unfair part is...
My friend Laurie is there right now visiting London right now.
Well, My turn will come. :3

So I'll blog you later, relax, have fun and have good day!~

- JanzQ

Jun 2, 2012

Some thoughts of today.

"I would die for you, anyday, anytime, anyplace, anyway.."
  Almost everyone says that some time in this life.
Even I have said it.
But who will really sacrifice his life to let someone else live.
In a real situaiton would you do anything to save someone.
If you would, would it be a child, an elder, someone who u know, or someone u don't?
Would you save some one for what reason?
So u could  be remembered as a hero, or that someone else can live a full life?
I can't say how I would decide in such situation.
Would I live or die. It sounds horrible to say that u would keep living your own life and let some one else die.
We have tounderstand even if it sounds so horrible and selfish, it is what people is born to do.
We are born to survive.

Today and yesterday has been raining a lot.
10 secs out there and youre dripping. Well it makes me very poetic :3

(I do not own this picture)

Wings to you

Is love just a dream of a white,
pink color while the atmosphere, free from heart-shake?

Or is it a glowing fire,
that all your dreams
make fly ?

Why do your lips desire
to make my heart so
messed up?

I am unable to my soul anymore
to manage,
I want you entirely!

In my dream, you come to me
you lead your lap and kiss you ...

My lips on your chest to wander,
playing with my hands in your hair

Passion of you hold me entirely!

Your sweetness, lusts
to touch my lips,
my tongue violently will love ...

I feel the passion
power increases,
You cry out for more and more demanding!

I'll be crying in love
over the body,
melt inside of you,
you caught alight!

After a while one rising to the heavens
cry the same language of love!

Random poem I made
Have fun and blog ya soon! <3

May 29, 2012

Summer starts.. NOW!

My summer has begun. Only few days in school and holiday is starting.
I have no idea how my summer is going to be. But I'm going to have lots of fun and relax.
My look for now is fresh and some kind of hippey.
Well, Its hard to explain so Im going to show u later.
I think I should start to upload more photos in here to make my blog a little moooore interesting.
Even tho I have no idea who reads my texts. : 3
I just need to say that Laurie Blue and me are having loooooots of fun already. No day without a laugh when I'm with her.
And have to say I miss Theresa soooooooooooooooooooooo much.
She is going to move away from Tampere so I don't know is she going to be our singer anymore.
I hope her mother will let her.

May 4, 2012

Manson is handsome

I just tried hypnozis the first time of my life, and I have to admit, IT WORKED!
I was so sure its full of crap but no It really made me feel like it said
Im amazed.
I actually feel calm and relaxed.
But something wierd came out after it.
I had to listen three albums of Marilyn Manson

I honestly think he is handsome.
Say me a freak, Say I'm crazy
That won't change my opinion.
I adore that man :3
Say what u want,
I feel like we at least one thing in common
We are who we are

I mean look at that man.
Do u think he is a typical "asshole"?
I don't
I believe he knows this life in many kinds of levels
I have even no idea in which levels.
He's music Is awesome *shivers*