Apr 2, 2014

Only me, simple me. (Update)

Now I had the time to write again.
I've been exreeeeeeeemely busy.
I really want to make a new post that how I'm doing.

I have been stressing about so many things.
School is one and probably the biggest thing.
I have been afraid for 6 months that I'm getting kicked out from there.
I have so many missed classes, 12 tests to do and almost 60 hours to make up.
Im afraid that my time is running out and im not going to graduate.
and If I dont graduate my options are really low.
I know I have to make it this year, otherwise I can never have a normal life.
I can't have a job = I cant move on my own = I cant live like my age= I will never be independent.
Thats what I want. I dont want to have a job, but I need it.

Second thing I'm stressing about is my friends and family.
Everything seems fine when someone looks at my realtionships with other but truely Its not how it is. Most of my so called friends are not friends at all. They just hang around with me when they have nothing else to do.
There is some people I miss so much but Im too scared to tell them. Im pretty sure they dont believe me at all. Since words are not as strong as actions.
I hope I could do somethign to prove my feelings for them. 
Prince Robbie, Fry Nordic, Cyber, Rayven and many many others too.
My family and I are doing pretty well. 
I don't fight with them and my sister is still one of the angels in my life.
But still.. Im always worried.

  About my love life:
I don't have anyone right now and it seems I'm not having anyone for a while now.
My 7 month relationship with Rufius did not go as planned but we broke up as friends.
I had one boy but I dont count it as a realtionship because it only lasted for a week.
I was a bandage and not very good one.
I do have a crush on someone but I'm not sure how (s)he feels about me.
Im not telling anything about him/her yet since I dont want to ruin our friendship.

About me:
I am doing quite fine. 
My feelings are quite steady and I'm not so sad all the time.
Yes, I still do have my up's and down's but I know that that is how it's supposed to be.
Because if I didn't it would mean I would be emotionless like I was when I d´still used my depression medication. I stopped taking them about 9 months ago.
I feel like they only made me feel worse. I don't like any kinds of medications because I feel like that any chemichals are only damage for the brain. I have to use some pain medication every now and then cause of my back ( I'll explain it later) and my migrens.
Every chemichal affects how you are as a person.
My back is sort of broken. I tried to kick my older brother but failed epicly and fell on my back. I couln't move much for a week and it still aches every now and then.
Anyone volunteer to massage it? :D
But everything is fine with my body.

Random things:
Im getting a tattoo as soon as I can and strangely this one is not about money.
I got enough for my birthday.
Im 17 now. ( That descripion wont let me change it -.-'')
Im working every now and then at different places.
Now I work with kids and teens ( only girls tho.)
I have given up almost every hobby I had cause of my school, so not much things with music or any other arts.

I think this is enough for now. Simple update.

I love you my sweet readers! <3 I hope someone actually still even reads this :D   

-Rebella Darkstar 

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