Oct 6, 2014

It just breaks my heart...

Hey you guys...
I havent been up here in a long time and only reason is my depression.
Its worse than ever, I have no strenght to do anything.... 
I have school ( which I'm pretty sure I've fucked up)
Im late on my studies and always late from school. 
Teachers dont like it at all and said I will be expelled if I dont start coming here on time.
Its really understandable ofc.
I'm just so tired all the time...

I had a fight with my little sister cause one stupid misunderstanding, Im really happy we worked it out, but still I feel like a living dead..
Even Slayer and I are fighting pretty much now when we got engaged..
Everything seems to be so much harder and We both are depressed and aggresive (but not violent, I'm glad)
We just have our fights cause also we both have poor heart conditoins and its only matter of time when someone of us will get a heartattack..

My bestfriend who I got from my class.. is not my bestfriend like I thought she was.. we dont even talk. Everything changed when I fixed her up with one guy... They are happy and really cute together but... Now I mean nothing to her evn tho She promised that no guy will come between us..
I have no idea what I did wrong.. 
Yeah.. I've been more aggressive also these days.. I dont know why.. It just happens, I get mad so freaking easily..

What I've done these past days: 
Mostly I've layed home or I used to hangout with my bestfriend...
Then 8h schooldays in general.
Nothing else actually.. I've got nothing to do and If I'd have something then I'm too tired to do it.
I hangout with Slayer every now and then.
We both have money problems and cause he lives so far away we can't see eachother that often.

But also I've got some good news!
Yesterday was the happiest day in a past month.
I was hanging around and joking with one new friend.
AleXander. He is a great singer and most of all a good friend.
So I know I'm not completely alone, which helps me a lot cause thats the biggest fear I have in thi whole wide world. 

I should be studying now so I've gotta go. Heres a song for you to listen:

Love you!! and Cya <3

- Rebella Darkstar ~

1 comment:

  1. sorry hun, i miss u <3
    And I'm so sorry for what you did :'(

    ILY bestfriend <3