Jan 12, 2017

New year, same me // First of 2017

Hello everyone.
Sorry it has again been so long since the last time.  The reason being, I've been tired, sad, and trying to get my life back in order.
ALSO I haven't been writing because my computer is a bit busted and my keyboard is not working properly and I do not have an extra one. I have an Acer laptop and I already have to use an external screen because the backlight got busted. I'm seriously starting to consider a new computer and this time I wish it will be a proper one. Like an actual tabletop computer so I could edit videos better.

My life has changed. ONCE AGAIN! I got kicked out of school. Yeah, I know its my own fault for not being present but here is how it happened. In our schools we have this appointment thing, what I call as a "second chance- talk". Where you go to talk to a student counselor and try for one last time to actually show them that you are worth being there and your studies will go well. We had the appointment, or at least they sent me the appointment info by mail. EVEN THO I told them not to send it by mail, cause I won't be able to get it. My mail went straight to my ex. So, I never got the appointment info, so I didn't go. If you don't go in the appointment, school decides that you are no longer interested and they fire you. That's what happened me.

 I'm not completely wrecked, I will start working next week. It's kinda hard to explain what the place actually is, but basically you go there 3-4 times a week to do all kinds of this. Learning how to get your life back in order, how to clean, how to make food, how you go to a store and they help you get to in school, or work places and you also do a little working there aswell. You get paid a tiny bit. There are some strict rules, to make us get used to the rules we will have in our future workplaces. Like we get 3 brakes during the day. One in the morning, one lunch, one in the afternoon. That I believe is written in laws. I'm not quite sure. I'm not the most educated person. The reason I know about this place is that I have been there once before. I'm really happy to be able to go there again.

Fighting with this depression is still extremely rough, I have stopped  all of my medications because, they only seem to make things worse. I just moved back to Ylöjärvi so I don't go to any theraphy yet either. I hope the workplace will help me to get there. I'm going to the doctors this month to talk about a lot of stuff. For en example. (embarrasingly enough) about my constantly missing period.

I have some good news too. I quit smoking! I've been vaping instead. Today it has been 7 days since the last smoke. I did try to smoke yesterday, because i thought I missed it. That was a big mistake. It tasted awful and it was not as pleasing to me as it used to be. Only in one week I have noticed  some quite dramatic changes. My voice is clearer, I don't cough every morning, headaches are going away,  and the most obvious, my breath and hands don't smell so awful anymore. I'm still waiting for some changes to come. Able to smell things better, able to taste things better, not being so short breathed etc. It has been semi-though but I know it for better good. Like for myself but also for getting children.

Christmas went as same as it always does. Great. I loved to spent time with my family. I got nice gifts, but I honestly think the gifts are not the most important thing really.

Look at my gorgeus, adorable, boyfriend LitePaw <3
New years went the same as usual except that we had my godmother/aunt and her family there. I love my godmother! She is the one who teaches me all the things about magic and herbs, she teaches me about stones and energies and I just love that. Not many are as well educated about the things (in my family) as she is. We had our fortunes told like everyone years, but also this year we did a "New years magic"  which basically is two pieces of papers. on the other one you write what you want to leave in the past years, and on the other one you write what you would like to have on the next year. I will make it a tradition from now on. We had some good food and just talked with eachother. There is never drinking in the holidays in my family.  on new years eve my parents take only one glass of champagne, that's it.

Also I want to show you my version of #Endthestigma amongst mental illnesses. Here it is:
These are some of my diagnosis. These must be the ones that affect my life the most.
I think this all I have to say for now. I love you all. Thank you for reading. Blog you later.

-Rebella Nana Darkstar


  1. I'm glad you're getting your life back on track I'm so proud of you <3 is your grandmother wiccan by any chance? if so that's amazing because so is mine and I didn't know there were many left! lost of love from here in the UK <3 :) happy new year! blessed be

    1. -Thank you darling! It means so much to me that youre here reading this. Sending love top UK! xoxo!
      I have no idea about my grandmother except that she is a witch. My godmother tho is very smart on shaman business. She knows about drums and herbs etc. Notice I mentioned my godmother up there^^